I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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