Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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