He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize