slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
