he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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