How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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