So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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