why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
