Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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