I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
