I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
