i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
