JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
