Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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