I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
