dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
