Sry I called you an 8
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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