i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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