just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
