Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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