i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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