The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
