No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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