i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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