I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
