You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
