so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
