the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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