If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
