what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
