So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
