I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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