"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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