FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize