I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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