walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
