i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
