just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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