so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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