Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
