I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
