Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
