i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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