I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
