Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
