he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
