The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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