in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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