You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
