i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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