I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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