Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
