Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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