I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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