...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I could make wine with my vomit
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
