Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
