I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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