You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
