I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
