Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
worst night to have a conscience
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
