no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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