I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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