how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
