i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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