Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
