Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize