shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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