Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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