Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
