Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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