why didn't you poke me back
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
