this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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