i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Randomize
