If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
