Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need moral support for this bender
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize