I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
