what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't deserve a penis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I see more hoeing in ur future
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