JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
