I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
