did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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