would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
