so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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