she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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