i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
