There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
