just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
