On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
